Proper Definition of Marine Rank

General:  Leaps tall buildings with a single bound. Is more powerful than a locomotive. Is faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water. Gives policy to God.

Colonel: Leaps short buildings with a single bound. Is more powerful than a switch engine. Is just as fast as a speeding bullet. Walks on water if sea is calm. Talks with God.

Lieutenant Colonel: Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.  Is almost as powerful as a

switch engine. Is faster than a speeding B.B. Walks on water in indoor swimming pools. Talks with God if special

request chit is approved.

Major:  Barely clears Quonset huts. Loses tug of war with locomotive. Can fire a speeding bullet.

Swims well. Is occasionally addressed by God.

Captain:  Makes high marks when trying to leap building. Is run over by locomotives. Can sometimes handle

a gun without inflicting self-injury. Dog paddles. Talks to animals.

First Lieutenant: Runs into buildings. Recognizes locomotives two out of three times. Is NOT issued ammunition.

Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of Mae West. Talks to walls.

Second Lieutenant: Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings. Says: "Look at the choo-choo."

Wets himself with a water pistol. Plays in mud puddles. Mumbles to himself.

Sergeant (any): Lifts buildings and walks under them. Kicks locomotives off the tracks. Catches speeding

bullets in his teeth and eats them. Freezes water with a single glance. BECAUSE...

HE IS GOD!!!

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